What Can You Learn from Criticism?
Approval
doesn’t
mean success
This is one of the most important
lessons you need to learn if you ever want to achieve something worthwhile in
life. If you’ve already achieved great things, you probably already know this
lesson.
The majority of people out there
will be either apathetic or resistant to what you want to do or what you try to
offer. Most people simply don’t care about your great new exercise routine that
could make them a lot healthier. It’s not your fault, they’re just not
interested. Lots of other people have already found an exercise routine that
works wonders for them, and they just might not like yours as much. Some of
them will tell you this, too. This doesn’t mean that you’re not doing something
that is good and worthwhile, it simply means that people are diverse and
different and they’re allowed to like different things. Chances are, however,
that your exercise routine might be perfect for some other people out there,
and despite all the apathy and criticism you faced, if you gave up on your
desire to share the routine with others, you’d have missed out on the chance to
gain some new fans (and, maybe, a lot of money too). Later on, when you’re rich
and famous, a lot of your naysayers will probably want to try out your routine
as well.
Many people will not approve of the
research you are undertaking or the theories you are proposing. They’ll
challenge you at every turn, and find many faults and shortcomings that you
would never even have thought of. It’s tempting to listen to everyone and to
give up, and it’s easy to become overwhelmed by the pressure and hate every
minute of working on your research. But you need to remember why your research
is worthwhile, and what you are trying to achieve.
The disapproval you are receiving
does not mean that you are doing something terrible. It simply means that you
are doing something different and something that people are not used to.
What is a more accurate way of
knowing that you’re doing something worthwhile when you’re faced with a barrage
of criticism? If you are really enjoying the work, if it has the potential to
make other people think differently or add to your field, or if it could make
the lives of others better or fuller in some way, then you’re probably doing
something worthwhile. Even if it’s only bringing joy to yourself and making
your own life better, it’s worth it. If you can know that this much is true,
then none of the criticism can detract from what you’re doing. Even if people
think you’re strange and naïve for doing what you do or being who you are, if
you know that you can really add value to someone’s life, you shouldn’t let the
critics hold you back.
Try and remember that universal
approval does not mean that you are successful. The only person who has that
much approval is the person who is being exactly what everyone else wants her
to be, so she can’t be doing very much with her life at all. If she ever tried
anything, she’d have at least a few haters, just like you do.
Real success is feeling like you’re
contributing something good to the world, like you’re in control of your own
life and your own time, and like you’re really connecting with people and
things that matter to you. It doesn’t mean that everyone will like you or
approve of what you’re doing.
Criticism doesn’t mean failure
Even though it might hurt, and even
though you might be getting more criticism than you thought was possible, it
doesn’t mean that what you are doing is a failure. It doesn’t mean that you
should give up just because people don’t like what you’re doing exactly the way
you’re doing it.
But if you are consistently getting
the same criticism, it might mean that you need to make some adjustments if you
want to have greater success.
If the criticism rings true and you
see that you’ve made some real mistakes, then you can take those lessons into
your next, bigger project. If you had never received the criticism, you would
never have known about the potential problems which you had, and you might have
made the same mistakes in future on an even larger scale.
One of the best ways to improve is
through mistakes. When you do things wrong, you learn from those mistakes and
find ways to do it better. When you can make yourself vulnerable enough to
criticism and the potential for failure, you can course-correct more and more
each time and eventually do things better than you ever have before.
For example, if you simply ask your
supervisor how to write up your reference list, and they give you all of the information,
you might still not “get” how to do it. Only once you give it a try and make a
few mistakes can your supervisor point out those mistakes to you, and you’ll
probably never make the same mistakes again. You have to jump in at some point
and just do something, even if you
feel like you could still do more preparation.
Lots of people delay doing
something until they can do it perfectly because they’re afraid of being
criticized. They make all kinds of excuses about why it would be better to do
something later, when the truth is that they are afraid of taking a chance and
putting themselves out there to be judged by others. But by doing this, they’re
missing out on countless opportunities to learn from their own mistakes and to
learn from the criticism of others. They’re delaying their own success because
they’re so afraid of failure.
Go on, make some mistakes! Do
things imperfectly! Face the backlash! And then do better the next time.
The pain means that you’ve done something worthwhile
Being criticized for something
means that you put yourself out there. Only by making yourself vulnerable to
negative reactions can you do things that will take you to greater success.
Only by putting yourself in the position where you might fail, can you ever be
in the position where you can really take off.
In fact, the more the criticism
hurts, the better it indicates that you are doing something that really matters
to you. If someone criticizes something you don’t really care about, you won’t
really be affected by their reaction. But because it hurts so much, it shows
you that you really want to be better at that particular thing. You love doing
it and feel passionate about it. Keep going, push through the pain, and get
better and better along the way.
Just like it takes a hammer to
knock away dents in your car, or sandpaper to smooth the edges of wood, it
sometimes takes painful criticism to improve your projects or to make you a
better person.
Remember that you’re not perfect
Humility is one of the best
measures of someone who is primed for success. You have to be confident in what
you do, but you also need to remember that you don’t know it all. You’re just
another imperfect person, like everyone else, who is doing his or her best to
lead a successful life.
Accept your own flaws, especially
if you constantly find yourself being derailed by criticism. If every critical
remark sends you into an emotional tailspin and hurts you severely, you might
have some underlying conflicts that you need to work on. Maybe there are parts
of yourself that you are not comfortable with or don’t like that much, and when
people criticize you it reminds you of this. Maybe you don’t have enough
confidence in your abilities to take on the negativity of others.
A good way to work through this is
to be aware and to embrace both your strengths and your weaknesses. All of us
have both strengths and weaknesses. Make a long list for yourself of all of the
things that you know you’re good at, and that no one can take away from you.
And then make a long list of things that you know you struggle with and that
you’re working on, and that you might expect some criticism for. Then, when the
criticism comes, you can compare it to your list. If someone is criticizing
something you know you are strong at, you can be fairly sure that a lot of the
time the criticism will be inaccurate, and that it’s not useful to you. But if
the criticism is linked to one of your weaknesses, you can see it as a reminder
that you have room to grow and parts of yourself that you need to work on. You
can also take a quiz to find out your academic strengths and challenges at the
Academic Coaching website: http://www.writeyourthesis.com/p/quiz.html.
Personally, I know that my writing
is one of my strengths. One of my weaknesses is that I’m disorganized and
scatterbrained. Knowing my strengths and weaknesses helps me to find the best
strategies so that I can use my strengths for doing well in projects and also
find the help of others to overcome my weaknesses. I know what I need to work
on, so if I am criticized for it, I can just say to people: “Thanks for your
feedback. I’m working on it!”
Remember that the criticism doesn’t define you
Criticism can be a great source of
information. Other people often have more distance from you and from your
projects, so they can spot any current or potential problems a lot better than
you can. Because you spend a lot of your time focused on your projects, you
might not see the whole picture as clearly as others can. You can get a lot of
good feedback if you can look past the initial sting of criticism and accept
that others also have valid and valuable opinions.
But overall, you need to remember
that you are better than any of your critics make you out to be. You’re more
than simply the comments of people who try to tear you down. You are not
defined by a single piece of criticism. This is especially true when people
criticize your character, your appearance or your abilities. You might be
imperfect (we all are), but that one aspect that they find fault with is not
the only thing that you are.
Remind yourself often that you’re
worth more than any single part of you. Some people find value in looking in
the mirror and noticing the good things they see, and then saying it out loud.
Or putting up a reminder of one or more of your positive traits, like a sign
that says, “I am an excellent baker,” might remind you that you’ve got lots of
good characteristics despite your mistakes and flaws.
Regardless of all the negative
things other people might point out, you need to have a balanced view of
yourself as a person with lots of dimensions. Even though it hurts when someone
gives you negative feedback, you need to remember that this is only one moment,
only one person’s perspective, and your life is much bigger than this.
If your intentions with a
particular project are noble, then you will know that the criticism can’t
diminish what you are doing and why you’re doing it. Remind yourself of the
reasons why you are doing what you’re doing, and you’ll be able to deal with
criticism better when it comes.